Reflections + Repentance + Reconciliation

I realized that what went through my mind these few days were utter nonsense. Though humanly speaking, it sounded convincing. Thoughts ran through my mind like a rushing wind. My heart was like a pounding board. My vision was screening through an endless dream.

The thoughts that came into my mind caused me to question these.....

I feel emptiness. I don't know what's going on, my life, etc.
I don't feel like going for cell anymore.
I don't see the need to go for cell.
I don't see God working in my life and I'm off.....
What is a cell group really?
I'm not gonna plan anymore stuff. Just not gonna do anything.
Planned caroling, people don't attend.
Why agree to it when you can't attend?
How to trust God? I simply don't know how to anymore.

Those were my thoughts and I was crushed. A reply came and stated.....
Why has your world and faith in God crumbled because the human system has failed you?
People failed you, not God
If things don't go according to planned, it shouldn't equate to God failing you.
And for whatever reasons that may be, God is using everything to mould and shape you.
Sometimes, we may not like it.....

At that instance, I told God..... I'm gonna bargain with You and if You are not working in my life anymore and walk with me, I'll leave. I believe God is love. I believe You are there. But I just cannot feel it anymore. I know it's not about feelings. But I really wanna hear His voice and obey Him. Lord, if You don't come along with me, I'll not move. I'll leave.

That was before caroling.....
Entry dated: 4.30pm, 22nd Dec 2005.

After the caroling, I felt very different. All those burdens were lifted up and nothing could stop me from sharing with others and nothing can stop me from worshipping. Though I know my life is on the rocky moments now, all I can do is to seek Him. I'll be able to hear His voice soon. Lord, give me Your will for me. I want to know my Will in You and continue to serve in the areas You've planted me into.

** I striked off the negative thoughts and I'm sure God is gonna do something in my life. Whether it's my root problem in relationships or in other areas, I believe He heals me from my past and hears my prayers. **

Lord, purify my heart. Santify my soul and make me whole. I want to be whole and not soulish. Forgive me of my deceitful life and make me complete. I ask that You will fill my Spirit-Man right now. Lord, take away every single thing that is not of You from my physical and spiritual being. Father, I acknowledge You as my Heavenly Father, Saviour and Counsellor. By Your strips, I am healed!! I pray therefore that You who have created me in Your image, mould me and shape me to be the person You truly want me to be. Use me Lord and I repent and reconcile with You, Lord.
In Jesus, most wonderful name,
Amen!!

More to come and more to share. Stay tuned!

Be Blessed!!